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I believe in CHEMISTRY. What is chemistry? - the level of attraction that you feel after you meet someone for the first time - whether it’s his personality, the way he smiles, the way he drives a car, his passion with his work.   With a woman, it may be the way she crosses her legs, the way she looks when she’s thinking, the way her dress movies when she walks, her voice or the way she smiles (true - men are more visual), or her talent.   I have seen too many examples of where there was the physical attraction, or perhaps the intellectual attraction, but the chemistry wasn’t there. I believe it’s that “Chemistry” that leads to wanting to see that person on the second and third date. It’s natural. It’s not something that you “put on”; it’s that something that you have, and it’s always there. So relax, if the guy or gal’s gonna want to go out on a second date, it will be the “chemistry”.

You can’t “get” chemistry. However, “chemistry” can grow as you see that person over and over again. Wanting that “chemistry” can become a good habit that you don’t want to break. Chemistry is usually a good thing - it is a basic trait that is a magnet to another.

Have you ever thought about something that you liked about a friend that made you want to be with him or her? Maybe it’s the way she wasn’t afraid to tell you how great you were; how she smiled when you were with her; maybe it’s the way he told you how beautiful you were; maybe it’s the way the two of you were so comfortable with each other and you loved that feeling. That’s when friendships can blossom into more than just a friendship.

“There’s something about Mary”…remember that movie? Where Ted just couldn’t get Mary off his mind? Okay, it was Cameron Diaz - but there was “something” that attracted him - some chemistry - something awkward about her that he found endearing. There was also a movie, “Light in the Piazza” with Yvette Mimieux”. It was the story about a mentally challenged woman who was loved by a very handsome man (of course - it’s the movies, folks). But on their wedding day, they are getting married at the Piazza and the flower girl is spreading her flowers on the ground before this young man and woman walk down the isle. The young woman bends down and picks each petal up and smiles and stops the wedding in mid-track, and everyone at the wedding gasps in anticipation of what will the guy do. But as you look at her future husband, he is looking down at his to-be-wife with deep affection and you can see the chemistry (he finds her adorable) - there’s that certain something that he finds and found so attractive - that natural quality.

I find a man driving backwards attractive - you know when they put one hand on the steering wheel and the other arm on the back of their seat and they drive into a parking space with confidence. Do other people find that attractive? - Maybe. But that was something that I found attractive about Bruce - the way he drove. My children have seen photos of guys that I dated before I met Bruce. Some were handsome; some were facially homely. Some they couldn’t imagine my being attracted to. But there was something about them that I found attractive and that’s what’s important.

So, relax on your first date. If it’s there - it will stay. And smile, listen, and communicate - that’s a given.

And that’s my two cents!

1. NO MAKE-UP
Apparently women spend more on beauty products, but relationship counselor Mo Kurimbokus says we don’t need to. When a woman doesn’t wear make-up, her natural beauty is on display. Also, some men find it a huge turn-off to kiss a woman and find that they are smeared with lipstick. Make-up can sometimes act as a barrier than a come-on.

2. ROUNDED STOMACHS
We’ve all craved abs like Geri Halliwell, but men actually find a potbelly attractive. Mo says, Men like women to feel soft and curvy, so a little potbelly can be a turn-on and give a woman that natural look.

3. WRINKLES
Wrinkles bother women more than they do men, as they feel it often spells a loss of youth, Mo says. Wrinkles can spell experience, which can trigger thoughts of them having great sex together – a huge turn-on for him.

4. STRETCH MARKS
Those silvery lines are the bane of most women’s lives but some men actually like them!
Mo explains: What really does it for a man is a woman who is natural. Stretch marks remind a man of the child they created together and her commitment to him. It is also an intimate detail of a women’s body that only he is privy to.

5. MISMATCHING UNDERWEAR
Most women save the lacy stuff for special occasions and opt for comfort.
Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall explains:
Men love catching you in mismatching underwear because it looks like you weren’t planning on having sex, but they’ve manage to persuade you.

6. SMUDGED MAKE-UP
This is something that happens when we forget to take our make-up off after a night out.
Surprisingly, as Paula explains: Men find this sexy because you look like you’ve just made love. It reminds them of how great the afterglow of sex feels

7. GETTING THE PUNCHLINE OF A JOKE WRONG
We’ve all been there, sitting in the pub, everyone listening intently as you run through the latest joke you heard at the office - until you forget the ending.
Mo says, Men can be intimidated by intellectual women, so getting it wrong makes her far less intimidating and they can relax in her company. It shows vulnerability and triggers his protective instinct.

8. WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD WITH KIDS
If you reckon your man is rolling his eyes as you play with nieces and nephews, think again.
Mo explains: It gives him visual evidence that she is patient and caring, and reminds him of his mother’s unconditional love.

9. WEARING TRACKSUIT BOTTOMS AND A BAGGY T SHIRT TO BED
When we pass a certain point in our relationship, going to bed in saucy nightwear is replaced with a need for comfort. Ingrid says, Very casual clothes suggest the woman is relaxed and confident about herself, and a man can find this very sexy.

10. MUFFIN TOP
You might think skinny jeans are impossible to wear without getting that tell-tale roll of flab over the waistband.
But, according to Paula, men think a little muffin top is cute. The curvy shape is synonymous with fertility so the soft fleshiness is tapping directly into his unconscious evolutionary desires.

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Take 1 box of fusilli = corkscrew pasta = pasta twists Pronunciation: foo-ZEE-lee and cook as directed. Put aside.
1 small head of broccoli cut up (or 1 package of frozen broccoli florets- defrosted)
2 carrots, peeled and cut up lengthwise in strips about 2 inches long and 1/2 inch thick.
1 sweet Hawaiian onion slice0d.
Take the cut up vegies and put into a frying pan with about 3 tablespoons of olive oil and the garlic and salt and cook until a little tender - (vegetables should still retain their color - makes it look pretty).
Set aside.
Next - get a mixing bowl - and mix the vegies in the cooked pasta and sprinkle the parmesan cheese on top. When you get to the table, you can mix it or not.  Place the pasta in a nice looking plate.
Serve with wine and cut up sour dough bread with oil or butter.

Try it; you’ll like it!

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My true story:  When I was in my 40’s, I had a fear of death for myself, my husband or my children.  I couldn’t read a newspaper without thinking — it can happen to one of us.  We could choke on a piece of lettuce; we can get hit by a car; my children could be abducted.  It was a constant gnawing at my psyche.  It drove me crazy; it was all the time.  I even went to a psychologist for help (just for this), but she was unable to help me. 

Then I heard about the “talking out loud” theory.  It sounded ridiculous — but I was desperate.  I decided to think about my Dad who I respected and who had a loud voice when he wanted me to behave.  He  passed away when I was in my 30’s).  I thought, “What would Dad say to me?”.  And I said to myself, he would say, “Karen, stop it…stop it right now!”.  And I kept on repeating his words — first out loud and then in my head.  And then I would go further, “Karen, stop it right now….it doesn’t stop anything from happening — so stop it!”.  I did that every time a bad thought would pop into my head.  And I still do it every once in awhile — hear his voice.  And it worked!  It really did.  And it still does.  I couldn’t imagine that such a simple thing would alleviate my negative thoughts — but by practicing, it accomplished what the psychologist couldn’t.  Try it!

The following is an article that mirrors some of the ways of getting rid of negative thoughts and feelings:

http://www.key-to-self-confidence.com/self-talk.html

Good luck!

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How did I stop?  I know this may sound crazy, but to me one of exciting things about lighting a cigarette was because it was new.  It was something that was never touched until I lit it and then it became ALL mine.  So what did I substitute – surprised?  Magazines…any new crisp magazines.  I bought them in the store, I ordered them on line — entertainment magazines, psychology magazines, smut magazines — anything to keep my interest.  And then I gave my cigarettes a funeral.  I crushed those little, beautiful cigarettes up into little, bittie, smelly, pieces,  and buried them.  I gave them a fitting funeral for a really good friend that would be gone and who I would never see again.  Then (so I felt I had some control) I put two new packs way back in the freezer (no one was ever gonna tell me I couldn’t smoke - EVER).  I have had them in the back of my freezer for 17 years.  They have been brought over from house to house when we moved.

I went through night sweats for 4 days…honestly.  But I couldn’t go back.  Bruce hated me smoking.  The ashtrays (and you know this) are a pain in the ass to keep on emptying and the smell on your furniture is not very nice.  And people look at smokers strangely (but I really didn’t care - because I smoked in corners and out of plain sight).

So every time I felt like lighting up, I would pick up and read some article from a new, crisp magazine.  That was something new and fresh.  It took a long time for me to get used of reading crisp, new magazines instead of lighting up.  It was so very hard.  But gradually it started to work — it really did.  I knew that if I picked up a cigarette, that would be it - I would start smoking again and start yearning for another one.  There was no doubt.

I will never get over the thought of having a cigarette and all the emotional benies that are tied to it.  But the cravings did eventually stop.  And still when I see people smoke — I don’t get disgusted and I really understand and in a way envy them — that they have no fear??  (but when I talk to them — they do have fear and they live with it - day after day after day.)

It was just my way.  You may be able to think of another idea.  But I didn’t want to eat.  And I didn’t want to gain weight because that would be a way I could and would rationalize why I have to start smoking again.

There…and that’s my two-cents.

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I have observed and learned through my 60-somewhat years of people that need control and become so obsessed with cleaning that they lose their lives in shining, scrubbing and cleaning everything.  They forget that eventually your life ends and the tangible fixings that they were so crazy to clean - are not important.  People who are obsessively clean are sometimes boring.  People that are obsessively clean and have parties are sometimes not relaxed and don’t have fun at their own parties.  We do.

We live for all the enjoyment we can get out of life.  We live for the fun we can have together and with our friends.  Maybe because we live that way, our home suffers.  So what?  What will happen if you let the cleaning of your house go?  Huh?  So…???  Hint:  If when company comes, you make sure your bathroom is clean (that’s important); you make sure you dust in the living room and that your kitchen counters are clean — those are the important things.  Okay you can vaccuum in the living room - that tidies up the look of your house.  What else? 

Our house is tidy - always.  We don’t have unneccessary stuff lying around, so when you first come into our house, you don’t see clutter.  And if you don’t look too closely, you won’t see dust (because you won’t expect dust in a neat-looking home).  Your company won’t look too close, because you don’t have a mess.  So neatness does count and that’s the reason.

And that’s my two-cents!

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As I said before - first dates are hard, so why not be inventive and maybe say, “Can we make believe this is our third date?”.  Now guys, not a real third date – not a license to become more affectionate — but a pseudo third date so the two of you will be more comfortable.

Good luck!

Like our blogs of interesting tidbits of information and advice?  Join our FREE DATABASE where we search for a match for you, and ONLY contact you if we find one.  Join today!  Its simple, its so easy, and only takes about 3 minutes to fill in.  Why miss an opportunity to find that special someone.  Just click http://www.makemeamatchinc.com/photo-questionnaire.php